Terms of Service

The Short Version

Don't be a jerk, don't break things, and don't use our service to do anything that would make your grandmother disappointed in you. (Unless your grandmother is a hacker. Then especially don't.)

Acceptance of Terms

By using contrived.com, you agree to these terms. If you don't agree, that's totally fine—we respect your autonomy. But you can't use the service. That's how contracts work. We don't make the rules. (Okay, we literally made these rules.)

Your Account

You're responsible for:

• Keeping your credentials safe: Your password, your problem. Don't write it on a sticky note. Don't make it "password123". You know better.
• Everything that happens under your account: If your cat walks across the keyboard and accidentally deletes something, that's on you (and your cat).
• Providing accurate information: We need your real email. We're not going to show up at your house or anything, but we do need a way to reach you.

Things You Can Do

• Use the service for its intended purpose
• Integrate with our APIs according to our documentation
• Complain constructively if something breaks (we appreciate detailed bug reports)
• Tell your friends how great we are
• Use multiple devices—we're not monsters

Things You Absolutely Cannot Do

Here's the "don't be evil" section:

• No hacking: Don't probe, scan, or test vulnerabilities without permission. Security researchers, talk to us first.
• No abuse: Don't use the service to harass, threaten, or stalk anyone. This isn't complicated.
• No illegal stuff: Don't use our platform for anything illegal in your jurisdiction. We're not your alibi.
• No spam: Don't use our service to send unsolicited garbage to people who don't want it.
• No impersonation: Be yourself. Unless yourself is someone else. Then be the first yourself.
• No scraping: Don't harvest data in ways we haven't explicitly allowed.

Basically, imagine a reasonable adult is watching. Act accordingly.

Our Content vs. Your Content

Our stuff: The contrived.com platform, branding, code, and documentation are ours. Please don't copy them and start "kontrived.biz" or something.

Your stuff: Anything you create or upload remains yours. We claim no ownership. We do need a license to host and display it to you, but that's just so the service works. We're not going to sell your spreadsheets to the highest bidder.

Service Availability

We try really hard to keep things running, but we can't promise 100% uptime. Servers need maintenance. Updates need deploying. Occasionally, the universe just... doesn't cooperate.

We'll do our best to notify you of planned downtime. Unplanned downtime usually comes with a dev team frantically fixing things while consuming dangerous amounts of caffeine.

We feel the outage pain too. Trust us.

Termination

You can leave anytime: No hard feelings. Export your data, delete your account, go live your best life.

We can terminate accounts that: Violate these terms, engage in abuse, or otherwise make the platform worse for everyone else. We'll try to warn you first if it's something fixable, but we reserve the right to act quickly if necessary.

Limitation of Liability

We provide the service "as is." If something goes wrong, our liability is limited to the amount you've paid us. (For free users: that's a very round number.)

We're not liable for lost profits, lost data, emotional distress from downtime, or any other consequential damages. We genuinely try to avoid these situations, but we also need to not get sued into oblivion.

Disputes

If we have a disagreement, let's talk it out like adults first. Email us at legal@contrived.com. Most issues can be resolved with a calm conversation and mutual respect.

If that doesn't work, disputes will be governed by the laws of the State of Delaware, because that's where all the cool companies incorporate. We don't make the rules. (Different rules this time.)

Changes to These Terms

We may update these terms occasionally. When we do, we'll update the effective date and notify you of significant changes. Continued use after changes means you accept the new terms.

We promise not to sneak in "you owe us your firstborn" clauses.

The Fine Print

If any part of these terms is found unenforceable, the rest still applies. Our failure to enforce something doesn't waive our right to enforce it later. These terms are the entire agreement between us regarding the service.

Also, headings are just for readability—they don't affect interpretation. Yes, lawyers actually argue about headings. It's a whole thing.

Contact

Questions about these terms? Spotted a typo? Want to argue about semicolons vs. periods? Reach out at legal@contrived.com.